Boo!

The ghosting epidemic, what it says about our culture, and what we can do about it.

Halloween may be over but make no mistake, ghosts are still all around us. I think we’ve all had an experience where someone we were talking to suddenly became a ghost overnight, never to be heard from again. And while these people may no longer be an active part of our lives, their energy can still haunt us for years to come. Therefore, I think it’s time we perform an exorcism. Stay right there while I grab some holy water.

At the risk of sounding like an insufferable boomer, I truly think the prevalence of ghosting is indicative of how antisocial our culture has become. Why force yourself to have an uncomfortable conversation and tell a guy that he’s nice but you just don’t feel a connection when you could simply stop talking to him and get back to swiping on Hinge? On Sex and the City, when Burger left his infamous note to Carrie that simply said “I’m sorry, I can’t, don’t hate me” we all thought he was the most insufferable douchebag who ever lived. But now, watching through a modern lens in a world dominated by insufferable douchebags, he doesn’t seem so bad. To be clear, he was still an insufferable douchebag of a human being but at least he said something to Carrie when he broke up with her! The collective dating pool of 2025 should take notes!

Let me also just say that, based on my personal experience, getting ghosted is always such a humbling exercise. Especially when it catches you off guard and comes out of nowhere. When this happens to me, it always puts a huge dent in my self-esteem (which to be fair, is basically like denting a car that’s already been totaled). And trust me, reader - I am well aware that it has more to do with them than it does with me and that I’m a catch and that I shouldn’t let it bother me. I hear you, imaginary voices in my head, and I get it! I mean let’s be real, I’m no angel here. I admit that I, too, have ghosted a few people over the years. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but it’s the truth. And in the words of Lisa Rinna: I own it, baby! I do, however, pride myself on the fact that I have never ghosted someone in the middle conversation, which is what happened to me recently. I’ve chosen to reveal this to all of you because I have clearly suffered more than Jesus and I want all of my readers to cry and feel sorry for me.

But seriously, what is the appropriate reaction to have when this happens to you? No matter how experienced you are or how thick your skin is, getting ghosted out of nowhere like that is humiliating and disorienting. You thought you had a great connection with this person. You told your friends about them, spent a considerable amount of time opening up to them (sometimes in more ways than one), and even started to imagine a future together. And after all of that, this person has decided that not only do your feelings not matter to them, but that they also never want to speak to you again. Should we cry? Cuss them out? Pay an Etsy witch to curse their bloodline for generations to come? I’ve done all of the above at some point in the past, and although they all help on some level, I think the best thing to do in a situation like this is to simply get up, dust yourself off, remind yourself that no one has ever been sexier than you are right now, and move on.

However, if you don’t think you can move on just yet, I encourage you to acknowledge the absurdity of the situation and respond in kind. Take your hurt feelings and your emotions out of the equation, take a step back and think about how insane this whole situation is. Someone who was promising you the world a few days ago is now completely ignoring you. That’s psychopathic behavior! So go ahead and say something sarcastic like “Wow thanks so much for a great conversation, you seem like a great catch!” Or if you want to be really absurd, just be say something like “I love you” or “I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” Fuck with their heads! Why not? At this point, you have absolutely nothing to lose. Do you want to be a perpetual victim, or do you want to be an unhinged baddie who’s savoring the sweet taste of absurdist revenge? Even if you make yourself look like a complete lunatic, at least you’ll be laughing and having fun! And at the end of the day, isn’t that all we really need?